God's amazing creation

So I'm still sitting here, pregnant, nearly six days after thinking I was in active labor.  Interesting how this has all worked-out.  I am being asked to be patient, relax and let go of this impending birth and let my body do its intended thing.  This task has been given to me during a time when our schedule is relaxed, my husband has been off of work, and I have had the luxury to be able to stop everything and just breathe.

God does not make any mistakes.  I am learning so much through this experience.  I nearly threw a party for myself at 3am this morning when the latest type of contractions began.  I realized what people meant when they said that real labor pains will feel much different than those early, pre-labor pains did.  When the pains started it was like an "a-ha" moment.  Granted, they rocked my world for about two hours and then stopped, but at least now I know that things are changing.

I am learning that patience is always rewarded.  If I had delivered her last Wednesday evening she would be nearly a week old.  My pregnancy days would forever be behind me.  Instead I sit here still with butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of one of the three most joyful days of my life. . . the icing on the cake is that I also get to have Christmas at home over the next couple of days.

Life really is wonderful for me right now.  My God has blessed me so richly this year.  My eyes are sleepy, my tummy is downright achy from all the contracting, my mind is quite fuzzy from the lack of sleep. . . but I am so certain that this experience is about more than just bringing our daughter home.  I love how God tucks gifts of growth into even the most potentially frustrating of life's experiences.

Natural Childbirth

I had medical interventions with each of my first two births.  My son was in a posterior presentation and after about 8 hours of excruciating back labor I had only progressed to around 4 cm.  At that point, pitocin was given to speed things along since my water had broken about 3 hours prior to my first contraction.  The first contraction on pitocin was even more painful than the back labor. . . which led to my first epidural.  With him the epidural completely knocked out all feelings.  I never felt any more tightening, pain, or even the urge to push.  He was born approximately 4.5 hours after the pitocin drip began.

Labor began with my daughter in a completely different way, but it had a very similar ending.  I began contracting with her at around 6pm and did so for a few hours before heading in to the hospital.  Upon check-in I was already 4cm dilated -- enough to be admitted and considered "in labor."  The contractions were not very painful.  I could still talk through them, but they were less than five minutes apart.   Once I was settled in my room I was given an IV and monitored for about 7-8 hours.  The contractions increased only slightly in intensity during this time, but they never completely stopped.  I thought I was the luckiest laborer in the world. . . until they checked me somewhere around 4am and I had not changed at all.  I remember the resident asking me if I wanted to have a baby or go home.  For many reasons I knew I wanted to have her, so they proceeded to break my water.  Three hours later and no cervical changes.  Pitocin was started and one contraction later:  epidural time.  This epidural was much better and I could still feel tightening and the urge to push.  She was born approximately 3.5 hours after pitocin was begun.

I am now nearing the birth of our third child.  This will likely be our last child, and throughout the pregnancy I have become increasingly more and more convinced that I want to try to have this baby on my own, without any medical intervention if possible.  I have never felt a "real" contraction besides those useless back labor ones with my son.  I have never felt the progression of labor in the way God intended.  Certainly His design is better than our's, right? After all, when He made me a woman, He made me capable of growing and delivering a baby.  

It's funny to me that in our current society medical intervention is the norm, not the exception. It is extremely rare to hear of a birth story that doesn't involve induction, a scheduled C, a pitocin drip midway through. . . and the ever-common epidural.  My problem is not with the epidural. . . I loved both of mine and was very appreciative of them.  I guess what my goal is with this birth is to see what my body will do on its own.  Maybe going through things naturally will make the pain easier to handle. . . we'll see.

My best-laid-plans were tested this past Wednesday.  I arrived at the hospital in a good pattern of contractions similar to the ones that I had with my daughter's birth.  They were a solid 3-5 minutes apart, painful but not unbearable, and my doctor had even checked me a few times during the day and seen progress with these pains.  When I arrived at the hospital, I was hooked up and monitored for a couple of hours.  The contractions continued but did not increase in intensity or frequency.  My cervix did not change while I was there -- similar to what happened last time.  I was given a choice:  break the water or go home.  I'll admit, I was tempted, but I decided to come home.  That was four days ago.  Ever since I have had persistent, mild contractions which occasionally get regular and painful.  I have also had a nasty sinus infection which would have made caring for a newborn misery.

I still believe that this will happen all in God's time.  I am searching each day, each round of contractions, each little "sign" that labor might be imminent for patience beyond myself.  I am not a naturally patient person.  I am learning a bit about relaxing and going with the flow. After all, she can't stay in there forever.  And when she's out, I hope I have a story of triumph about what God created my body to do -- on its own.

The wall we'll leave behind

Soon we are going to welcome our third child, a daughter.  In my tangle of hormones last night I began to cry reflecting on our current family and what is to come.  Our son is the serious, introspective one.  He loves his younger sister and wants to be friends with her.  Unfortunately sometimes she is not interested.  She is independent, loud, boisterous, and funny.  She does love her brother, but usually on her own terms.  He seems blissfully unaware of this fact, thank goodness.  The two of them do have quite a bond. 

They are both so excited to welcome baby sister.  It's hard to believe that we are just about to do this all over again.  What has struck me the most over the past couple of days is that we are currently moving quickly towards a wall.  The day she is born, a wall will be erected.  It will be too tall to climb over, too wide to chisel through.  Once she is here, we will all 4 find ourselves beyond this obstacle which keeps us from coming back to this reality where we now live.

There is a sadness in this reflection for me.  For over three years it has been "us."  How will she affect the balance?  Will she come between her brother and sister?  Will their bond survive?  I am not necessarily worried, but just aware that these are the last precious days of life as I know it.  Love for her will definitely flood out any sadness or longing for this time. . . but in the meantime I am reminding myself to enjoy them as I know them now.  Soon we'll all be changed.