If it's the beaches. . .

On this Sunday morning I was blessed with an opportunity to sit with my feet in the sand, in a comfy chair and watch the remains of the waves sent to us via Hurricane Bill off the east coast. The water was super choppy; I wouldn't let my children go out past their ankles and even encouraged them to play the "run from the waves" game as even a few small breakers almost knocked me down!  

The older two played happily in the sand, collecting treasures to adorn their future sandcastle. My baby rested calmly in my lap until she discovered sand.  She did not like sand!  She is normally very quiet and takes it all in.  Today, she whimpered and cried nearly the entire time we were out there.  It was strange because she's usually so easy-going.

I felt very close to the Lord this morning watching the choppy sea, listening to my children, feeling the cool breeze, smelling the salty air. . . I LOVE the beach because it always does bring me back to the reality of Our relationship.  He created all of this for me, with me in mind.  He loves me that much, and He just wants my life for His plans and His glory.  My kids are not my own. . . they are on loan as they are His just as I am His.  

Lately I have felt a separation between Us.  I've been questioning our interpretation of His voice - wondering if J. and I could possibly be hearing different directives.  I have been concerned that our humanly instincts have led us to make rash, irresponsible decisions that will have devastating financial and emotional consequences.

I am still exploring in my mind the concept of His sovereignty versus our decisions.  How much power -- if any --  do we really have to completely mess up up His plan?  Why do some decisions give us no peace until we just give in to what our heart is telling us to do?  I have found that doors continually slam when we are seeking to do our will instead of His.  That has been happening to us in this new situation, although the doors that are slamming are the ones that J. believes He wants us to walk through.

I was broken this morning by the bigness of His love for me, by the comfort of His arms, by the therapy of those waves. . . there is no peace without Him.  Whatever His will for our family, may it be done.  And may I stop today wrestling with the details as if they were mine to tackle in the first place.  Work it out, Lord. . . work it out.