God's amazing creation

So I'm still sitting here, pregnant, nearly six days after thinking I was in active labor.  Interesting how this has all worked-out.  I am being asked to be patient, relax and let go of this impending birth and let my body do its intended thing.  This task has been given to me during a time when our schedule is relaxed, my husband has been off of work, and I have had the luxury to be able to stop everything and just breathe.

God does not make any mistakes.  I am learning so much through this experience.  I nearly threw a party for myself at 3am this morning when the latest type of contractions began.  I realized what people meant when they said that real labor pains will feel much different than those early, pre-labor pains did.  When the pains started it was like an "a-ha" moment.  Granted, they rocked my world for about two hours and then stopped, but at least now I know that things are changing.

I am learning that patience is always rewarded.  If I had delivered her last Wednesday evening she would be nearly a week old.  My pregnancy days would forever be behind me.  Instead I sit here still with butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of one of the three most joyful days of my life. . . the icing on the cake is that I also get to have Christmas at home over the next couple of days.

Life really is wonderful for me right now.  My God has blessed me so richly this year.  My eyes are sleepy, my tummy is downright achy from all the contracting, my mind is quite fuzzy from the lack of sleep. . . but I am so certain that this experience is about more than just bringing our daughter home.  I love how God tucks gifts of growth into even the most potentially frustrating of life's experiences.

Natural Childbirth

I had medical interventions with each of my first two births.  My son was in a posterior presentation and after about 8 hours of excruciating back labor I had only progressed to around 4 cm.  At that point, pitocin was given to speed things along since my water had broken about 3 hours prior to my first contraction.  The first contraction on pitocin was even more painful than the back labor. . . which led to my first epidural.  With him the epidural completely knocked out all feelings.  I never felt any more tightening, pain, or even the urge to push.  He was born approximately 4.5 hours after the pitocin drip began.

Labor began with my daughter in a completely different way, but it had a very similar ending.  I began contracting with her at around 6pm and did so for a few hours before heading in to the hospital.  Upon check-in I was already 4cm dilated -- enough to be admitted and considered "in labor."  The contractions were not very painful.  I could still talk through them, but they were less than five minutes apart.   Once I was settled in my room I was given an IV and monitored for about 7-8 hours.  The contractions increased only slightly in intensity during this time, but they never completely stopped.  I thought I was the luckiest laborer in the world. . . until they checked me somewhere around 4am and I had not changed at all.  I remember the resident asking me if I wanted to have a baby or go home.  For many reasons I knew I wanted to have her, so they proceeded to break my water.  Three hours later and no cervical changes.  Pitocin was started and one contraction later:  epidural time.  This epidural was much better and I could still feel tightening and the urge to push.  She was born approximately 3.5 hours after pitocin was begun.

I am now nearing the birth of our third child.  This will likely be our last child, and throughout the pregnancy I have become increasingly more and more convinced that I want to try to have this baby on my own, without any medical intervention if possible.  I have never felt a "real" contraction besides those useless back labor ones with my son.  I have never felt the progression of labor in the way God intended.  Certainly His design is better than our's, right? After all, when He made me a woman, He made me capable of growing and delivering a baby.  

It's funny to me that in our current society medical intervention is the norm, not the exception. It is extremely rare to hear of a birth story that doesn't involve induction, a scheduled C, a pitocin drip midway through. . . and the ever-common epidural.  My problem is not with the epidural. . . I loved both of mine and was very appreciative of them.  I guess what my goal is with this birth is to see what my body will do on its own.  Maybe going through things naturally will make the pain easier to handle. . . we'll see.

My best-laid-plans were tested this past Wednesday.  I arrived at the hospital in a good pattern of contractions similar to the ones that I had with my daughter's birth.  They were a solid 3-5 minutes apart, painful but not unbearable, and my doctor had even checked me a few times during the day and seen progress with these pains.  When I arrived at the hospital, I was hooked up and monitored for a couple of hours.  The contractions continued but did not increase in intensity or frequency.  My cervix did not change while I was there -- similar to what happened last time.  I was given a choice:  break the water or go home.  I'll admit, I was tempted, but I decided to come home.  That was four days ago.  Ever since I have had persistent, mild contractions which occasionally get regular and painful.  I have also had a nasty sinus infection which would have made caring for a newborn misery.

I still believe that this will happen all in God's time.  I am searching each day, each round of contractions, each little "sign" that labor might be imminent for patience beyond myself.  I am not a naturally patient person.  I am learning a bit about relaxing and going with the flow. After all, she can't stay in there forever.  And when she's out, I hope I have a story of triumph about what God created my body to do -- on its own.

The wall we'll leave behind

Soon we are going to welcome our third child, a daughter.  In my tangle of hormones last night I began to cry reflecting on our current family and what is to come.  Our son is the serious, introspective one.  He loves his younger sister and wants to be friends with her.  Unfortunately sometimes she is not interested.  She is independent, loud, boisterous, and funny.  She does love her brother, but usually on her own terms.  He seems blissfully unaware of this fact, thank goodness.  The two of them do have quite a bond. 

They are both so excited to welcome baby sister.  It's hard to believe that we are just about to do this all over again.  What has struck me the most over the past couple of days is that we are currently moving quickly towards a wall.  The day she is born, a wall will be erected.  It will be too tall to climb over, too wide to chisel through.  Once she is here, we will all 4 find ourselves beyond this obstacle which keeps us from coming back to this reality where we now live.

There is a sadness in this reflection for me.  For over three years it has been "us."  How will she affect the balance?  Will she come between her brother and sister?  Will their bond survive?  I am not necessarily worried, but just aware that these are the last precious days of life as I know it.  Love for her will definitely flood out any sadness or longing for this time. . . but in the meantime I am reminding myself to enjoy them as I know them now.  Soon we'll all be changed.

  

Long Time, no write

Cheesy title, I know.  It has been months since I have written on this blog.  So much has changed.  Back in the spring I had high hopes of committing myself to writing blog series on here to help myself work through the "big things" in my mind.  I even started with a couple of posts I have saved. . . but life has intervened in a big way.

First of all, my sister and I will not be participating in the breast cancer 3-day as we had planned.  I am currently expecting my 3rd baby, almost halfway through the pregnancy.  As motivated as I was with my walking, getting pregnant threw me for a loop.  I still try to get out and walk often, but I am nowhere near the intensity I had going on in the spring.  I need to kick things back up a notch as I'll be needing energy this fall, and the second trimester of pregnancy has been a dream so far.

This fall I will begin volunteering at a local private school as the school administrator.  I will do the principal duties. . . head up curriculum and instruction, observe and lead the instructional staff, communicate with the school board.  I am also going to be the music teacher (that's what I'm most excited about).  I know it seems like a lot. . . pregnant with my 3rd, my almost-3-yr-old daughter is high maintenance, my son is entering kindergarten at the school. . . the truth is, it IS a lot.  Let me give you a little bit more info on this school.

In May of 2007 my husband and I began dreaming of a private school for our community.  We had begun to seriously research options for our son's education as he was 4 at the time.  I was thinking homeschooling was going to be our best option.  After all, I was a teacher and both of us LOVE learning and knowledge.  I knew that together my husband and I could really do a good job educating our children.  

The private school dream began through our research and through hearing of a couple of local families putting together an interest group for planting a classical Christian school here in our town.  We began reading like crazy and really felt called to the classical Christian method for our children.  From May 2007 until now we have had meetings galore, been to workshops, scouted out a location (we are renting the ed wing of a local church), held public forums to look for potential students, prayed, cried, considered quitting altogether, hired two fabulous teachers, bought curriculum materials, observed at another classical Christian school, prayed, cried some more. . . you get the picture.

On Monday our staff of 3 plus me will begin our "teacher week."  We will be hanging up posters, wiping down desks, placing carpet squares for the children, sharpening pencils. . . we will be preparing for our 8 bright-eyed K-2 students to begin on September 2.  Eight students might seem small, and it is, but we consider our smallness to be a blessing.  I am also overwhelmed that 8 local families have committed themselves to this mission. . . have taken the risk of investing their money and their children in a new school.  

We all have so much to learn, but I believe that wisdom is sometimes gained through making mistakes.  God has called us here, and even if our principal is toting a baby carrier, which might seem a little unconventional. . . He is in control.  May He be delighted in every little step we take towards building an academy for Him in this corner of the world.

the cakewalkers

my younger sister moved from the southeast (where we grew up) to the los angeles, california area about a year ago. she got married to a great guy and he just happened to live about 3000 miles away from our family. the change definitely fits her; it wasn’t surprising to me at all that her life would lead her away from familiarity. she’s very adventurous and loves being in different places.

since they are newlyweds, they do not yet have any little ones. her husband is an entrepreneur and runs a few of his own businesses, so her job is primarily to help him out. in other words, she does not go to an office every day. this, again, totally fits who she was made to be: free to do as she pleases when she pleases.

a new habit she has formed since moving is walking. I do mean WALKING – anywhere from 5 to 10 miles five or six times a week. . . up into the hills around her home. These are the kind of hills where you have to look up in order to see the road in front of you. She loves to bake anything and everything completely from scratch, and her walking habit keeps her body from reflecting her sweet tooth.

a few months ago we decided to do a breast cancer 3-day walk. we will be participating in a 60-mile walk over the course of 3 days in a city neither of us has ever visited. (our team name is the cakewalkers) since we have committed to this walk, I have increased my walking distances and workout schedule. This week I have walked 23 miles total. I feel really great and I’m learning so much about my body and its limits.

This all came at a good time for me. I recently lost about 35 pounds, finally, after a few years of ups and downs. I have some more weight to lose before I will be satisfied (and within the normal weight range for my height) and this intense walking really has helped me get over the hump of a few weight plateaus.

The best part about all of this walking, though, isn’t the physical benefits. It’s the connection I feel to my sister who is so far away. We are very different. . . like two sides of a coin. As her life has taken on a path similar to mine (married, involved in church, not working a “normal” job) we have found ourselves with more to share with each other. when I am walking I am often thinking of sharing with her my newest route and talking about the shoes I am trying out.

who knew that a habit like obsessive walking could bridge a 3000 mile separation? I do wish that her house was along my route and we could walk together every day, but if she can’t be here at least we’re both pounding the pavement and sharing our stories later. I love you, PCPC!

I am going to begin a blog series soon about the body. after all of this weight loss and body changes, I am intrigued by the vessel my God created. hopefully I can get on a more regular posting schedule soon and get this series going. I’ve been really inspired so far with the writing I’ve done and the scripture I have found.

Easter Brunch

We had a great Easter. We began the day with our Easter program at church. My husband did a great job playing the part of Jesus, and I was happy to sing in our multimedia presentation The Risen Christ by Keith and Kristen Getty. Wow. . . the music in this was AWESOME. We sang along with a DVD playing images of the story of Jesus, while my husband and three other readers brought the images to life.

After church, we came back here for a brunch. Our menu was:
Spiral sliced, glazed ham
Creamy cheese grits with spinach
Lemon roasted asparagus
Roasted fingerling potatoes
Chocolate fudge cake
Homemade angel food cake with lemon cream cheese frosting (see photo)

Most of the recipes here came from the April 2008 issue of Southern Living. I enjoy making my subscription worthwhile and being inspired each month! I even decorated my cake squares with gumdrop flower petals and mint just like the magazine's cover. I had a really good time preparing the meal and I think all of my guests enjoyed themselves.

Check back in later this week for a new series and an announcement about something I'm planning on doing later this year.

"Swimming" in March

I was reading Monica's post about spring cleaning her master bedroom, and I was inspired by her daughters' fun using a shower curtain liner as a pool on the floor.

Tonight, life presented the opportunity for me to introduce this idea to my kids. They ran in the room with swimming trunks on (my daughter was wearing her brother's too-small pair) and I ran to the linen closet to grab an odd sheet. I told them it was a pool, and it was an instant 15 minutes of play. They ran and got their bath toys, they "swam", they "dove", and then they decided they wanted to go "under" the water and proceeded to hide underneath the sheet.

It amazes me sometimes what entertains them, even with all of the expensive toys in the house. A simple sheet and their imaginations make for a good pre-bed playtime.

Thanks, Monica, for the idea!

Spring Clean Update

I have been a blog lurker for a while. I have enjoyed the spring clean series a lot and found myself motivated by it! So here's my computer room before and after:

I didn't do a whole lot of organizing where the desk is concerned, but I did move my son's box collection (hidden in the close, right corner) to the garage so his robot building can resume without disrupting my creative spirit.

This is the first time I will ever be sharing my blog in any way. . . only a select family members have read it so far. Eek.

the heart is the wellspring of life

today i am vacationing in sunny california, visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and brother.  My mom, aunt and uncle are joining me and we are having a great time in the warm weather.  the past few weeks have been tough for me as a momma.  my toddler has been very headstrong and independent here lately.  my five-year-old has been getting little to none of my attention as a result.  i have been reminded of the verse in the Bible that identifies the heart as the wellspring of life.  i have been refreshed by an attitude of dealing with the beautiful, sweet, innocent hearts of my children instead of their behavior.  

now that i am on vacation and away from them i long for their sibling quarrels, screaming fits, food fights, crazy messes in the house, cries in the middle of the night. . . all of these mundane, daily trials now would be treasures.  how funny.

my children's hearts really are pure.  they are full of God's spirit and sweet love.  as a momma I have to remember that while the world sees their behavior, the Lord sees their hearts.  And from those hearts will come their lives.  Back to vacation. . . gotta prepare for the heart-tending when I get home.