If it's the beaches. . .

On this Sunday morning I was blessed with an opportunity to sit with my feet in the sand, in a comfy chair and watch the remains of the waves sent to us via Hurricane Bill off the east coast. The water was super choppy; I wouldn't let my children go out past their ankles and even encouraged them to play the "run from the waves" game as even a few small breakers almost knocked me down!  

The older two played happily in the sand, collecting treasures to adorn their future sandcastle. My baby rested calmly in my lap until she discovered sand.  She did not like sand!  She is normally very quiet and takes it all in.  Today, she whimpered and cried nearly the entire time we were out there.  It was strange because she's usually so easy-going.

I felt very close to the Lord this morning watching the choppy sea, listening to my children, feeling the cool breeze, smelling the salty air. . . I LOVE the beach because it always does bring me back to the reality of Our relationship.  He created all of this for me, with me in mind.  He loves me that much, and He just wants my life for His plans and His glory.  My kids are not my own. . . they are on loan as they are His just as I am His.  

Lately I have felt a separation between Us.  I've been questioning our interpretation of His voice - wondering if J. and I could possibly be hearing different directives.  I have been concerned that our humanly instincts have led us to make rash, irresponsible decisions that will have devastating financial and emotional consequences.

I am still exploring in my mind the concept of His sovereignty versus our decisions.  How much power -- if any --  do we really have to completely mess up up His plan?  Why do some decisions give us no peace until we just give in to what our heart is telling us to do?  I have found that doors continually slam when we are seeking to do our will instead of His.  That has been happening to us in this new situation, although the doors that are slamming are the ones that J. believes He wants us to walk through.

I was broken this morning by the bigness of His love for me, by the comfort of His arms, by the therapy of those waves. . . there is no peace without Him.  Whatever His will for our family, may it be done.  And may I stop today wrestling with the details as if they were mine to tackle in the first place.  Work it out, Lord. . . work it out.  

Topsy-Turvy

It's amazing how quickly life can change.  In just an instant, given a phone call or an email or a news story. . . the world can turn upside-down.  

Over the past few weeks my husband and I have spent a lot of time in prayer and in discussion about his career.  It turns out that we are headed for a completely new direction.  He is leaving his current job to pursue a graduate school degree towards a career in something he is truly passionate about.  I am so excited for him and I want nothing less than for him to be serving in the right place in this world for the short time he is given here to make an impact.

I have known my husband since we were 15 years old.  Way back then I saw a spark in him when it comes to nerdy things like classical literature, dead languages, and history facts.  I heard him read classic dramas in English class with fervor that only a true history and literature buff could muster - even at the tender age of 16 (our class read Moliere aloud --he was Tartuffe, I was Elmire -- where it all began, I suppose :).

He is a gifted writer.  He crafted his skills writing me letters - not sappy love letters all the time -- just thoughts on life, family, God, and the world in general.  He was such a dreamer -- always idealistic, always optimistic, just the right mix of romance and masculinity.

He has been in a career over the past couple of years that just doesn't suit him.  His gifts having been laying dormant and his heart just isn't in his work.  He gave it the best try that he could out of a feeling of responsibility to provide for our family.  We have been convicted, though, that providing for our family comes in many different forms.  A monetary salary is only part of provision:  we also need a leader in our little family who is following his heart, who is praying earnestly about where God needs him.  

In figuring this out, we have faced much opposition from our families.  It's surprising to me to see the focus on money that has emerged in our discussions with family.  Maybe they are afraid that we will be leaning a little too hard on them during this transition.  Maybe it is because they do not understand that this decision has not come on as quickly as it seems.  Maybe they are simply fearful that we are making a mistake.  Whatever the reason, it is difficult to accept so much criticism and advice at a time when we are already on pins-and-needles.

I am excited for our family and the opportunities this transition affords.  I cannot wait to see which door will open next.  God is so faithful in his provision: just what we need, just when we need it.  The world unfortunately preaches a totally different tune, and I'm afraid that is the lens with which our naysayers are looking.

I am hopeful that as we continue to press forward, our heads raised high and our hands clasped tightly together, that our families will begin to see that we truly are a unit forging ahead together.  I am disappointed that they seem to have the opinion that he has jumped off a cliff, dragging us along after him.  I wish they saw the bigger picture and could offer encouragement and excitement to him instead of allowing their fears to cloud their judgement.

We are going to be so much fuller and richer together in this new endeavor.  Thanks be to God for the opportunity we have here and for His provision in the details!