Runnin'

I just don't think I'll ever consider myself a "runner." It seems like running is the "IN" thing right now. So many people are doing Couch to 5K, lots of people consider a 5K race to be a goal of their fitness plan, people like to post their runs on FB, etc.

In 2009 I had gotten up to running 2-3 miles at a time without stopping. I realized then that running is as much a mind-game as anything and that once you get past about 10 minutes in it feels like you could run forever. I ended up getting a nasty case of plantar fascitis and realized that my feet turn in and it makes it hard for me to find suitable running shoes, etc.

Now that I am getting back in shape, I have been using TurboFire for my cardio pretty much exclusively (besides my swimming workouts). Tonight I decided to try out a run and see how I was feeling. TF has a lot of plyometrics and lateral movement, so I figured my joints might be good to go for a jog.

This is what I did:
Walked 1/3 of a mile
Jogged 5/3 miles/walked on the uphill sections to maintain heartrate in upper aerobic zone
Walked 1/3 of a mile cooldown

30 minutes and I burned 374 calories. I felt pretty good on the jogging portions - I can see a definite improvement over the last time I jogged about 3 weeks ago before TF. My legs/joints felt fine. I probably won't be running uphill anytime soon, though. That would definite push the HR too high at this point.

The only benefit I see to running over swimming (where I burn more calories) is that I can listen to my iPod. I do like the music aspect. However, I am eyeing a waterproof iPod shuffle. . . it's just so expensive!

I can tell I am getting in shape and that proves the worthiness of TurboFire. Highly recommend it because it's FUN, convenient, and it works. Still don't think I'll ever crave running, but at least I know I can do it if I need to.

7 days of Yoga

I am joining in a 7-day yoga challenge along with Krissie@Questions for Dessert. I have enjoyed reading Krissie's blog for over 2 years now. She has such a strong motivation, and her running journey blows my mind.

Thanks to Krissie for getting me to try some new things with yoga. So far I have been doing some yoga when I wake up in the mornings. I love the way it relaxes me and gets me ready for the day. I just do a couple of my favorite poses, focus on the breathing and the quiet in my usually loud house.

Next week I may try a yoga class at my Y just to expand my horizons a bit. I have Jillian Michael's yoga meltdown DVD, and I like it, but it's not relaxing. I am using yoga right now for the relaxation/meditation effect it has, so I think I won't use that DVD for this challenge.

Looking forward to getting started Monday! And updating my thoughts here. . .

Packing on the pounds

I gained 45 pounds in a matter of about a year, I guess. The gaining began in late 2009 and continued through early 2011. Before gaining, I was at about 180 lbs (I am 5'6") and I was in pretty good shape. I had some muscle definition in my quads, calves, even my arms. I had a nicely defined waist and even a little bit of definition in my abs.

My joints were good and used to anything I gave them - lateral movement, jogging, push-ups, etc. Oh, and I could do 33 (!) push-ups - 11 "real" and 22 more on my knees - without stopping. Pretty amazing for me.

When I gained the weight I did NOTHING for that entire time. Being at my highest weight ever, I was surprised at how much different my body was than before I had gotten in good shape. For example, this is a photo of me at about 205 pounds (my current weight) BEFORE the 2009 shape-up:

I don't have similar photo of myself now, but I do not look this big now. I know it's because some of my muscles have hung around and are smaller than, but weigh more, than similarly sized fat. I know they have hung around because I am stronger still now than I was before 2009, even after all this inactivity. The muscle tone is returning quicker than it took to build it in 2009, too.

The body is resilient. What this teaches me is that even after a few "bad" days, or even weeks, one can jump back into pursuing a healthy, fit body without it completely derailing the effort. I know that in the past I have often had a "I-had-a-bad-meal-might-as-well-give-up-completely" attitude (frustrated perfectionist?) but I am learning that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Not to be cliche', but this is truly a lifestyle change and I need to be diligent not to enforce upon myself any rules or routines that I cannot live with forever.

Most importantly, I have to treat myself with the same kind of love and forgiveness that I am commanded to treat others with.

Turbo Fire

I started Turbo Fire last Thursday, so today was my 7th day doing the suggested "class schedule."

Turbo Fire is an intense, kickboxing-based cardio program that incorporates some good stretching and core work as well. I believe towards the end of the 12-week program there will be some light toning work using exercise bands. So far I have been able to keep up with the workouts, although I have been using some of the modified moves since I am just getting back into shape. I can do a couple of squat jumps and then I modify, I can do a couple of burpies and then I modify, etc.

I really try to push myself but not TOO hard. It definitely burns the calories and gets the heartrate up. I like that I can do it at home before anyone wakes up and be done with my workout.

I am considering adding strength training, possibly following this program. I am concerned about the recovery necessary, though, and I might wait until my 12-weeks are finished with Chalene (she is pretty awesome and inspiring, by the way, and it really does feel like you are in the gym with her).

I am also continuing my swimming, trying to aim for at least 3-5 miles a week in addition to everything else. Swimming is more therapy for me than exercise, but it still counts.

So many questions are bouncing around in my head after reading The New Rules of Lifting for Women: Lift Like a Man, Look Like a Goddess last night as far as calories necessary to feed the metabolism and allow for proper muscle recovery, etc.

So far I am tracking on My Fitness Pal (MFP) and I LOVE that. It will calculate your calorie need based on all your stats. It has an extensive food database that is easy to use. I like that, though I spend a fair amount of time logging everything in, I don't have to obsess about what I am eating. I always know where I am in my calorie-intake and where I need to be. The website is also a great place to find info, in fact, it's where I found the recommendation to do Turbo Fire.

So that's what I'm doing right now. . . it is working as I've lost about 20 pounds since mid-April. I've only been actively working out since mid-June, though, so most of that weight has come off in about 6 weeks. It feels good.

**the links are Amazon affiliate links, which means I might earn a penny if you click them or order anything. just letting you know**

Official "before" photo - this time around

here is a photo taken in early May '11 that will count as my official "before" photo for this weight loss/fitness journey.

this is probably my heaviest weight ever, although i am not certain what i weighed in this photo. i know in mid-april that i was at my heaviest ever and i don't think i was too far below it here.

i don't feel shame when i see this photo. i just see myself at a lower point in my life where i wasn't putting my health and fitness near the top of my priorities. i know that i tend to gain weight if i don't watch myself, and i am hopeful that this time i can keep health and fitness a priority for life.

Where have I been?

I feel like my body is asking me where I have been the past two years - like there has been a disconnect between my soul and my body. I have been so neglectful of my body over this time period, and now that I am taking care of it again - I feel like all my muscles are thanking me.

This was me a little more than 2 years ago:

I began working out with friends at a local women's fitness center. My friend and neighbor was the gym owner, and she sat down with me and we mapped out a plan to get me in shape. From March 2009-July 2009 I lost about 23 pounds and gained muscle tone and definitions through body conditioning classes, cardio/core classes, doing high-intensity interval training, etc. I was very dedicated and logged my food in a notebook.

August 2009 life took a turn and it kept on turning for the next 18+ months. I proceeded to gain 45 pounds and be pretty much sedentary for much of that time. I guess I felt so low that I didn't want to take care of myself. During that time, I suffered from depression and it showed on my body. I wouldn't say that I am a compulsive eater, per se, but I didn't really think too much about what I was eating. Add to that being a working mom and we did rely heavily on take-out, fast food, and quick meals that aren't so great nutritionally.

I always knew that I knew how to lose weight and get in shape during this time. I would even say to to people or to myself. . . I just didn't have the will to make it happen.

Once I got my mental issues under control, I began to whole-heartedly seek the fitness level I had in 2009. I love the way it feels to be sore. I have more energy to go about my day knowing that I have done my workout - plus the endorphins help too with mood and energy. All in all, I love challenging myself to work harder and do more than I thought I could.

This is me last summer, 2010 on a trip to Grandfather Mountain. I don't think I was at my heaviest here, but I don't have any other photos of me from the past year that show my full body (no surprises there).

I posted a photo of me yesterday that shows me now. . . I have actively been pursuing weight loss since mid-May I guess. I have lost almost 20 pounds so far and I feel like I am so much further along than that. My mindset is one of caring for my body, fueling my body with food, and working out.

I will write more later about what happens to a fit body when you pack pounds on it and then start losing them again. It's interesting how resilient our bodies really are. . .

Blog Direction

I am a serious blog addict. I don't know if it is the voyeur in me, or if I like the feeling that I am not alone with some of my struggles, or if I enjoy everything I learn from others. . . but I read blogs pretty regularly using google reader.

i have never found a rhythm with posting here, and I think it's because I have never committed to any particular content theme. I am a well-rounded person. I am obsessed with education (that's my vocation and I also have school-age children), I love to read, I am a mom of 3 kids, I am a Christian sometimes struggling with my theology. . .

Right now I am particularly obsessed with fitness and weight loss. So for the time-being I am going to focus on that content so I can stop irritating everyone in my life about it. My husband, bless his soul, doesn't care about calorie burn or protein. He just loves me! When I create goals for myself I tend to GO FOR IT all out and I can be annoying to be around, I think.

So I have decided to post all my thoughts about my fitness journey on here. I don't know that anyone will read my blog, but at least I have an outlet and a diary of sorts.

I will start later with a post about where I've been on this for the past couple of years and then where I am now. . . for now, a photo I just took with my computer (ack!) after my workout (burned 1033 calories doing Turbo Fire Fire 55EZ - it wasn't EZ obviously ;) SWEAT. love.to.sweat.

The sky trades the moon for the sun. . .

For a little less than 2 years I have been suffering from clinical depression.

I would say it was mild to moderate until Fall 2010 - then it went to what I would call moderate to severe. I was dealing with suicidal thoughts pretty much daily.

I quit my job in January because I felt that I could not handle the job, the children, the home, etc. In February we all came home - I began homeschooling my son at that time (another post on that decision later) and we were home all day, every day together.

In March we bought a house across the county and decided to start moving our things from our rental slowly to avoid the stress of one.big.move.

February to May were my darkest, darkest days. I am writing this on this blog because I feel that it's a safe place to document this time in my life since barely anyone reads this thing, and because I want to remember these moments. I want my kids to know that there was a reason why these past few months were so. . . off.

In May, I finally owned up to my sadness, and to the fact that I could not wrestle this bull down on my own. I needed help. I was in counseling for a few months in early 2010, so I knew that would be one thing I would look for - preferably a Christian counselor this time. I also knew I was ready to go on medication again that was more designed for depression (I was on anxiety medication, but didn't feel anxious much anymore).

I found a smart, caring doctor who listened and talked with me for about 45 minutes during my appointment. She was great! She put me on a new depression medication, encouraged me to follow my plan to get counseled, and asked me to come back in a month so we could talk about the other issue I am trying to get hold of (my health).

The medication helped immensely. I also took up crocheting (weird), counseling is going well, and just generally slowing down and allowing myself space to breathe without guilt or a to-do list has helped.

I am telling you, though, that swimming is my best weapon against depression. Granted, I am not sure I'd have the get-up-and-go to get to the pool without the meds at this point, however once I am there and swimming my head clears and I feel so alive.

Depression makes you feel like a corpse at times. . . like you are truly dead weight on the world. Swimming makes you feel the opposite - all the muscles working together to propel the body forward. . . the rhythmic breathing. . . the quiet thoughts.

For I guess about six weeks I have been swimming fairly regularly. This week I have kicked it up a notch and swam three sessions at around 45 minutes each (approx. 1 mile each time - I swim slow). I swim freestyle and have been practicing the total immersion method - very efficient and I swear it makes me feel like I could swim forever.

I guess this is how some people feel about running. I never have. I sweat an unusual amount and running is about dripping sweat that causes burning eyes and ear pods that slide out of my ears constantly. Ew. I do enjoy getting out and walk/running intervals, but I don't see myself ever being a serious runner.

A swimmer, however, I am. I am thankful for the roots I have in the sport that grew when I swam swim team at our local pool. There are times when I am skeptical I have even worked out after a long swim. I feel so relaxed and refreshed. I am always pleased, though, by my heart rate monitor's calories burned display.

It feels so good to have myself slowly emerging from this cloud. I enjoy things again. I am living purposefully and intentionally again, and that is such a joy. Still one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, but I am worlds away from where I was a few months ago. Praise be to God!