Vocabulary limited - thoughts revealed

So Baby Birdie is enjoying using her rapidly expanding vocabulary. Some of her words include ball, bath, baby, night-night, drink, breck-breck (our household word for breakfast), Ubba (brother), Ully (word for her sister's name), Papa, Nannie, Nana, Dad, Daddy, Mommy, Momma. . . car, ride, outside, TV (this is a new one I first heard this evening while trying to extend the day to a reasonable bedtime using some Little Einsteins - she missed most of her nap today and was wiped out after dinner).

It is amazing to me that although her vocabulary is very limited, her thoughts are clearly expressed. I almost always know what it is she is trying to say. While reading a book with a few of these words in it, she was frustrated with me because she was saying "bath" and I kept saying, "yes, ball" but we were looking at the picture of the baby wrapped in a towel after a bath. In my defense, I couldn't actually see the picture because she had the book clutched to her chest. She continued saying "baghhh" until I responded with the correct, "yes, baby took a bath."

My prayer life has been a struggle for me over the past year. With the circumstances of our lives it began to feel like a beg-session. I always enjoy praying for others and often find myself doing that most of all, but I believe that God wants to hear from me. I have always prayed in my normal mode of communication - wordy, passionate, probably a little exhausting to listen to. Reading with birdie tonight reminded me that although at times my words are few - He knows my every thought and request. He just longs to hear it, even when I can't get it out eloquently or completely.

Due to some anxiety issues, I have discovered the usefulness of meditation. I have experimented with several different methods, but what I find most helpful is to just mindfully breathe focusing on the rise and fall of the chest or the air going in and out of the nose. Thoughts do come and go, but I try to let them be as fleeting as possible by consistently focusing on the breathing. I guess I used to think that meditation was new age-y and therefore not for me as a Christian, but I have found lately that after a good few minutes of breathing - I am much more equipped to pray in a focused and intentional way.

All this comes back to how very much my children teach me each and every day. God is active in their lives as they minister to me when I need it the most. We are still climbing out of the pit, but we are finding it easier every day to praise God for these trials, to look at each other with confidence and smile, to rest in the joy of being the lucky parents of three extraordinary children. These are good times.

Random notes to my future self.

If you are reading this, just ignore. this is just my own preservation of sorts. . . preservation of a day of thought, prayer, revelation, guilt. . . being alone with my thoughts i get swallowed up by them. . . and i want to remember this day.



Nobody knows it but I am so sad. . . and that is the saddest of all, my girl, that is the saddest of all.

By our own reason and strength we cannot believe in Jesus Christ, our Lord, or come to Him, but Thou dost call us and enlighten us through Thy grace. (gee, wish I had heard this a lot sooner). -from the Liturgy of Adoration, Moravian Hymnal

I have gained 35 pounds in one year. Lovely.

I am tired of living life waiting to figure out what life is all about. I just want to live.

I have struggled a lot with what God wants from me, who God is. . . I have figured out that all He wants is for me to be His.

I have become burdened to figure out how to truly love and serve those around me. I am too self-absorbed. He didn't create me to lay/lie on a sofa.

Disappear from your hometown
Go and find the people that you know
Show them all the good parts
Leave town when the bad ones start to show (uh oh - is this me???)

The more we analyze our lives the more life sucks us down. Philosophy has no place in this fast-paced life. . . Thinking is not for me anymore. I want wind, waves, light, fresh peaches, kisses, hugs, smiles, and joy. I want to serve.



and. . . the sky trades the moon for the sun, my girl. . . the sky trades the moon for the sun.

here we go. . .